I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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