I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This is the high leading the old right now
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
