I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
