So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They took my balls.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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