one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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