I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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