If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
