meet me or not, i'm out of control
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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