I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I deserve this hangover.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
