i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
