Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
