I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
