Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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