you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
