Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
