the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
