remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
