So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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