Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
