Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
