I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
