i think my mom watched the whole time
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
