just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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