yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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