is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
As shirtless as possible
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
