So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
