He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
