if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
