Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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