addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
