Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
