I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
