Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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