you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
