i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
