I am in a vortex of obligation.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
