i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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