there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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