if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
