When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
