So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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