We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
