Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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