Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
