Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
zippers are such a cool invention
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
