i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
