We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
