Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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