I'm sorry my penis didn't work
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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