you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
where does the pee come out of this thing
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
did you just send me my own nude
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
