peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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